a person and a place

(Looking down at the ground, hands fidgeting)

We were...whatever we were. I guess. Comfortable. Maybe we were happy sometimes.

(Looking up at the sky, over)

I didn't want to be with you, really. There was pressure, you knew that. From my mom, from myself. To not be alone.

(Looking up, at him, slowly. Like a cat)

And now, I wish you were never born. You were so familiar to me and now you're a stranger and I hate you.

familiar

One of my coworkers brought muffins in. I love blueberry muffins. I also love the familiar pang that hits when you really want something but can't really have it.

So I will eat it in miniscule parts over the course of the day. One molecule at a time.

Lost no weight. Yet.

let's play a game...it's called not eating.

Seriously, I need to lose about a zillion pounds. The Sexy Ex is moving back to Edmonton and...well I'm a stupid girl so I'm thinking that maybe he'll fall in love with me again if I'm skinny and pretty like I used to be. Like I was when he met me and...

Alas, probably not. But maybe.

So, I'm only eating lunch and chugging coffee and smoking. Except that I have no ciggies. So I'm not smoking but I want to.

Pay day in a week (or less).